multiple possibilities
Busy days followed by more busy days.
And then: Days that seem like vacation, and then again, not really.
Those are the days that are the real challenge. Making those days fulfilled and fulfilling by finding the balance of work and recreation, something I seem rarely to be able to do. They mostly seem to be full of laziness with a hint or more of frustration. Some work may be involved, but rarely new, exciting, inspiring activities.
And then love, or the illusion of it, emerges, enters the scene. But rarely in its happy, energizing, productive form – mostly in its needy, “blocking”, distractional form. Which is a reflection of me more than anything else. Of the separated part of me.
Being a guest in the open big world, in the pulsating metropolis, doesn’t seem to have enough of a positive influence. Not using its seemingly vast and endless possibilities only frustrates even more. Maybe is this the case, because I am guest in my own private world? Until I find home in myself (in my heart), nothing will seem right (to me). So why do I keep searching outside?
I think the world inside, even after years of searching, looks more endless than the one outside. On the other hand, there is (has to be) a strong connection between the worlds inside and outside of the “self”. Otherwise there is danger of losing touch of reality, of sanity, of (mental) health. But how should we connect the worlds, the inside and the outside, the self and (the rest of) humanity? Love is probably the key, but this insight (if true at all) is still not helping (me) to solve the enigma…
